So for all you guys who already follow me on instagram you will already know that I have been sharing my pregnancy journey dealing with Hyperemesis Gravidarum for a few months now. If you don’t then just to keep you up to track I am currently 12 and a half weeks pregnant and I have been suffering with Hyperemesis Gravidarum since week 5 of my pregnancy so it is coming up to two months now of being unable to work or function normally, as well as if I am not being sick then feeling sick all day everyday.
My pregnancy journey so far has not been enjoyable unfortunately, having suffered 3 misscarriages and then becoming pregnant and being hit with HG it has completely knocked me. For anyone who doesn’t know what Hyperemesis is- it’s a severe pregnancy disease which means you are unable to keep food or water down without medication, most of the time being admitted to hospital for IV drips and being unable to function as normal without the help of someone caring for you. It is NOT morning sickness and for anyone who hasn’t suffered with it it would be hard to understand just how debilitating it is. It causes up to 1000 women every year to abort their child so it is serious due to how unwell it makes you.
I am a workaholic and love being busy 24-7 so I have found this period of my life super hard and testing at times, I was prepared that being pregnant would stop me going at my usual pace but no where near to this extent. I like to overload myself with work and keep super busy because I genuinely thrive off of it. From working at that pace to sitting in bed day in, day out for the last 2 months wondering when this will end or will it be the whole pregnancy that I suffer has got me down and affected me more than I probably think. I am currently sat in bed writing this after having tried to shoot from home yesterday and now feeling like I have taken 3 steps backwards after spending all night and morning throwing up unable to even keep my anti sickness medication now. I have to say it has and is one of the lowest points of my life and I hate to say that because I should be excited about bringing a new life into the world this summer, but having Hyperemesis it consumes you and everything to do with the pregnancy.
A few weeks ago I felt like I was fighting to keep myself alive let alone being pregnant and getting that pregnancy glow, you can’t help feeling like it’s a con then looking at other women enjoying their pregnancy and feeling like ‘why can’t I’. I have never been that person but this disease is consuming everything about me and controlling me in a way that I can’t change it, my body is saying no and for me that’s hard! What I have also found hard is thinking how I will do this again with my business as well as a young child, to be honest I don’t think I will be able to and that upsets me because I would love two children.
I really wanted to come on here and write about this because I really do feel more awareness should be done for it, my Mum suffered with it in the 90’s and always said her fear was that myself and my sister would inherit it because it’s quite often genetic so if your Mum suffered then you are likely too. The one charity that helped me has been Pregnancy Sickness Support- https://www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk they were the only ones who gave me good advice on medications and tried to get in contact with GP’s and hospitals for me. I felt like no one else listened to me or wanted to help and thank god for my mum who was caring for me and had been through it herself so knew when it was time for me to take myself to hospital. The day I went in I just burst into tears and said help me I can’t do this and they immediately put me on a drip and anti sickness, I remember wheeling my drip to the bathroom to go to the toilet and looking at my reflection in the mirror not even recognizing myself. I was pale, weak, having nosebleeds and bleeding gums I felt a mess. It upset me so much that the pregnancy could do this to me.
After sharing my pregnancy earlier than normal at 8 weeks pregnant I felt I needed to as I felt so alone dealing with it, lying on bathroom floors delirious, one day turning into the next barely eating anything I needed some support! Thank god I did because the response I had from my instagram was overwhelming and I can honestly say that without speaking to you all and having the help I think I would have given up with the whole thing! It became too much to handle and I have you all to thank for that period! Times when social media saves you!
I was praying that the second trimester would give me a little relief but at the moment it doesn’t look likely, I miss my work more than anything and I am so scared of losing my business that I have worked so hard for. It is the hardest thing about being so unwell too, I usually use my work as a way of dealing with things too and this time I haven’t had that. I have also found it hard with my partner and our relationship because everyday I just feel unwell and need his help to get food and function, I really feel for anyone else going through this as well sending so much love and I am always here to talk for anyone who needs it.
I know when your in the early stages too because it generally hits around 6 weeks you just think I can’t do this for 9 months, I think that is when I felt the lowest knowing I had such a long way to go and how could I go on feeling so unwell and incapable of doing anything for myself. Just to put it into perspective Hyperemsis Gravidarum causes over 1000 women a year to terminate their pregnancies because they are unable to cope with it. That thought crossed my mind for as crazy and inconsiderate people may think that is I don’t think you can comment or judge until you are put in that position feeling that unwell. I really want to be a Mum and have children so I am happy to see this out but I honestly can say this is something that will live with me forever and seriously make me consider having more kids in the future.
Anyway I will keep you all updated on the pregnancy journey and I pray I can get to some point where I can start sharing all the bits I am buying for baby and my maternity outfits as these are all things I had planned in my head for the process, but for now I am just going to take it easy as my body won’t have it any other way and stay medicated while I cope with this period.
Thanks again for all the support and much love to you all.